Thursday, May 27, 2010

Finding Freedom

I love the idea of journaling. I love the idea of being able to open one of those old notebooks and relive years of my life gone by. I love the idea of being able to look back on what the Lord has brought me through, how he's answered prayers and shown himself faithful.

But there's something about a new journal that intimidates me. Much like this blogging business intimidates me. There are so many pages, and I'm supposed to fill them all? With what? What if I write the wrong thing, what if I feel stupid when I read it later in life, what if my hand writing is too sloppy? Should I date each page? Is it important to record the time of day? Should I sign off in a certain way?

I have too many expectations of what a journal is supposed to be. As I was looking through my old ones, I noticed most of them started with intention. They started with a page of what this journal was going to be about. I started multiple journals in which I was going to keep a record of just the highlight of each day; I started one journal just before starting college with hopes of recording that part of my life; I started prayer journals; I always started with expectations.

That's how I've accumulated a pile of blank pages; a pile of mostly empty journals. With too many expectations of what a journal is supposed to be and not enough freedom to just be.

But freedom comes packaged with grace, tucked inside with the newspaper and bubble wrap. I just need to take the freedom out of the box and put it to good use.

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